Popular Mechanics For Lovers
by the ultimateSora
Summary: Tim and Arnold love Phoebe. She doesn't love them. Wanda and Keesha love Ralphie. He has a girlfriend. Dorothy Ann doesn't know who loves her. Carlos seems oblivious to everything.
1. gang makes phoebe question her sexuality

**note:** ah, so another new fic by me. so as far as ships go, I'm going to attempt to use the whole like "what the hell is going here?" tactic, and expect some different ships going on (all het, so worry not, those who do not like slash :) ).

and you will probably notice I'm using the term "Fantasmic Four" again for the girls, but this story is in no way related to _The Life and Times of the Fantasmic Four_.

the title is from the title of the Beulah song "Popular Mechanics for Lovers", which is a cutely awesome song (and kinda somewhat goes with one of the triangles in the fic), so enjoy:D

* * *

_**popular mechanics**_** for lovers**  
by, the ultimateSora

**chapter one  
in which the gang makes phoebe question her sexuality**

The Fantasmic Four...or better known to everyone else, Dorothy Ann "I'm smarter than you and your mother and I have the GPA to prove it" Ewing, Wanda "I have a Napoleon Complex and rage blackouts but I'm still popular" Li, Keesha "You know I'm cool with my vintage hipster style and sarcasm" Franklin, and Phoebe "I'm gangly like a prepubescent boy and I look no older than twelve" Terese...walked in the school from the junior parking lot and gathered around Dorothy Ann's locker, which was nearest to the doors they came in. Wanda was picking at her newly manicured nails and didn't notice like the other three when a note fell from the locker. Phoebe picked it up and handed it to D.A.

"Ooer," Keesha said with a smirk. "Would that be from your _lurver boy_?"

Dorothy Ann cocked her eyebrow. "Did you just say 'lurver'?"

"Just read the damn note."

D.A. opened the note, and she read it aloud, "Dear Dorothy Ann, my blue eyed angel, you're probably wondering by now who I am. Worry not, you know me, so I can assure you I am not a serial rapist or a stalker or anything to that of a creepy effect--"

"He's a stalker," Wanda cut in.

D.A. went on. "But come April when we have spring formal, be expecting me at your house in a white limo. Always, your secret admirer."

Wanda popped D.A. on the upper arm hard enough to leave a red mark on her sun-kissed skin. "OH! What if it's Carlos? It's gotta be Carlos!"

Dorothy Ann scoffed. "Carlos? Surely you jest. That's like saying Ralphie's stalking Keesha or Arnold's leaving you roses."

Wanda shook her head and put her hands on her hips. "He would if he wasn't so busy getting his ass physically kicked by Tim for Phoebe's affection," she said, matter-of-factly. "But I guess what I cannot understand is why I, Wanda Li, who puberty was _so good_ to with my C-cup breasticles, my perfect skin, and my shiny black hair, don't have two guys fighting over me. You know, as opposed to our lanky lady friend here whose jeans are too short for her chicken legs and who obviously _likes girls_!"

Phoebe's jaw dropped, and her round cheeks, possibly the only fat on her body, turned bright red. "I _do not_ like girls in a sexual way!"

Keesha shook her head. "Pheebs, we've all notice how you look at D.A."

D.A. nodded. "Yeah, yeah." She turned to Keesha and Wanda. "Ladies, are we sure _she_ isn't sending the letters to me?"

"I'm not gay!" Phoebe said, a little too loudly, as two freshmen happened to walk by and looked at her funny. She grunted. "I'm going to class."

As she stormed off, the three high fived one another. Keesha nodded. "Another job well done."

Wanda laughed. "We've been ganging up on her since the third grade, and it never gets old."

* * *

Phoebe, who was still fuming from the girls, was so absorbed in her anger that she almost ran into the younger Ramone, Mikey (or "Mike", to his friends outside the Orgasmic Ocho, the nickname Carlos gave the gang in the eighth grade). Mikey was a freshman, and he rivaled Carlos on good looks. Carlos was more handsome than anything, and he still considered the "hotter" brother. Mikey was prettier than Carlos, but he wasn't really considered man-pretty. If he were not a paraplegic, he would have been taller than Carlos and a little lankier. Carlos was stockier, his shoulders broader and arms thicker than Mikey's from wrestling and football. Mikey, though slimmer than his brother, was still toned. He played league wheelchair basketball, and he was a great deal better than Carlos when the brothers played in their driveway. Where Carlos kept his face clean shaven and hair shorter, Mikey liked stubble (as he was one of the few freshman boys who could grow facial hair) and his hair shaggy under his cap. 

"Hey, watch it there, Pheebs," he said with a chuckle when she bumped into him.

She felt her stomach flutter. "Oh, hey, Mikey."

He smiled. "I'm actually glad I ran into you. Carlos tells me you're an English whiz. You wouldn't mind tutoring me, do you?"

She hoped her cheeks weren't flushing when she said, "Of course I wouldn't."

He nodded. "My forte is more science and math. I'm horrible at English and social studies."

Phoebe chuckled. "I'm just the opposite."

The two laughed, and further down the hall, both Arnold Perlstein and Tim Reynolds stopped walking when they saw the gangly object of their affection laughing and talking to Mikey. Both started towards Phoebe and Mikey, but they stopped abruptly when they realized they were right next to each other. They eyed one another, their noses high and chests slightly puffed out.

"What are you doing, man?" Tim asked.

Arnold narrowed his eyes. "I could ask you the same thing, _man_."

Tim looked around, and he shoved Arnold back. He stumbled back into a group of freshman girls, who giggled when they realized the junior boy just fell into their gaggle. Arnold paid no attention to them as he got back on his feet, and he ran after Tim, who was already walking fast towards Phoebe. He caught up to Tim, and the two boys smacked at one another as they hurried towards her.

Phoebe inwardly groaned when she saw them. "What do you guys want now?" she asked, feeling her cheeks flush.

"How are you?" Arnold asked, slightly panting.

"I notice you're wearing your favorite red shirt," Tim said, smiling. "Really brings out your freckles." Arnold shot him a look, but he ignored him. He went over to Phoebe, slid his arm around her shoulders, and he escorted her away. "What did you get on our history quiz?"

The two walked off, leaving Mikey and Arnold. Mikey patted Arnold's arm, and as he wheeled away, he said, "Better luck next time, man."

* * *

Janet Perlstein incessantly kicked the underside of Ralphie Tennelli's seat. She did it to get a rise out of him, like most things she did to people. She thrived on annoying people. Ralphie knew that, too, and he tried to ignore her. He especially did not want to turn around and look at her because he hated the fact that he did find her hot. Both of the Perlstein cousins had been so nerdy as kids, but now, they were both disgustingly (in Ralphie's opinion) pretty. Janet's hair was longer, still curly, and she ditched the glasses (unlike Arnold, who wore square, wire-framed ones). She was also on the drill team, her legs long and perfect for dancing. She knew Ralphie would stare at them when he thought she wasn't looking. 

"You know you want me, Ralphie," she whispered behind him.

He ignored her, and she flicked his ear. He whipped around and said through gritted teeth. "_Stop_."

"You know it's true. And how perfect would we be? I'm on the drill team; you're the football player."

He nodded. "Sounds just about as perfect as a Hillary Duff movie." His tone was dripping with sarcasm. "And besides, you're Arnold's relative. That's just a little weird."

She scoffed. "_Please_, it's not like I need his permission if I want to date his friends."

"Who said I'd date you? You're a heinous bitch. You make Wanda seem like Phoebe."

Janet narrowed her eyes. "Never say that name in my presence." It was well known to everyone that Janet loathed Phoebe for reasons unknown. It was also speculated that not even _Janet_ knew. "And why my cousin is after that lanky-limbed twelve year old, I'll never know."

Ralphie grunted. "You see? Right there. You insult my friends, and I'm supposed to like you?"

She winked. "You don't have to _like_ me, just..._lust_ me."

"That doesn't make any sense."

She pouted. "Just one date. That's all I ask."

Ralphie knew he'd regret it right when the word left his mouth. "Fine."

* * *

Wanda and Keesha always found amusement in the Ewing household. Dorothy Ann was number four out of five girls (and one boy), she and the youngest girl, Ellen (or Ellie), being the closest in age (Bobby was the youngest, a surprise to D.A.'s parents when he was born four years ago). Ellie was the only girl in the family not to have two names, but sometimes their dad, John, called her "Miss Ellie". The three oldest Ewing girls were Sarah Jane, Mary Ruth, and Ashleigh May, and like Dorothy Ann and Ellie, they were blonde and blue eyed. Sue Ellen, their mother, looked just the same. Bobby looked more like their dad with his brown hair and eyes. 

"I feel like I'm on _Dallas_ every time I come to this house," Wanda whispered to Keesha.

They went up to Dorothy Ann's room to do homework and hang out since Phoebe was doing cross country training (even though it was spring, the season being over). D.A. sat down at her desk, and Keesha plopped down on the bed. Wanda found their third grade yearbook, and she sat on the floor, leafing through it.

"Hey, you guys remember Professor Dickweed, our principal?" she asked. "Professor Dickweed" was the nickname Wanda gave Mr. Rhule in the fifth grade when he caught her putting cherry bombs in the girls' bathroom toilets. She didn't know what "Dickweed" had meant, but she liked it.

"Oh, Professor Dickweed," Keesha sighed. "With his horrendous lime green suit and stupid chicken obsession."

D.A. nodded. "But if it weren't for him, Arnold and I wouldn't have had Arnold Jr. and there would have been no Fourth of July barbeque the following year."

Wanda got to her feet. "I'm hungry. KFC, anyone?"

* * *

Phoebe was done with her laps around the campus, and when she did her cool down jog, she groaned when she saw Arnold and Tim standing by her bag in one of the back courtyards. She trotted up to them and put her hands on her hips when she stopped. Tim held out a towel to her as Arnold held out an ice cold bottle of water. Phoebe took both and made sure she wiped her sweaty face as she took a drink of water. 

"There. Are you two happy now?" she asked. She was blushing, but no one would be able to notice as she was flushed from running.

"I saw you took a drink before you wiped your face," Arnold said.

"She wiped her face first, d-bag," Tim argued.

She handed Tim the towel and Arnold the empty bottle. "I'm leaving now. Would you two please stop this and leave me alone?"

She grabbed her bag and headed to the locker room, Arnold and Tim both staring open mouthed at her skinny, freckled legs.

* * *

Wanda and Keesha were still at Dorothy Ann's, attempting to do homework, when both their cell phones rang from a text message. It was the same message: 

**From: (214) 555-3825  
03/17/2004 5:47 PM**  
_hey, whore, guess who snagged ralphie? thats rite. me. janet._

Both Keesha and Wanda's heads shot up, and they eyed one another. Dorothy Ann looked up from her English homework. "What is it?"

"Nothing," they both said, still eyeing one another.

Dorothy Ann got up and snatched their phones. She couldn't help but chuckle. "Janet's dating Ralphie?"

"No!" both girls snapped at the blonde.

"Oh, I see what's going on...YOU TWO LOVE RALPHIE!" She started to laugh. "Oh, this is good!"

"I do _not_!" both girls indignantly shrieked.

D.A. tossed their phones back to them. "_Sure_ you don't."

* * *

**note:** "Professor Dickweed" is from _Talladega Nights_, and for you Southfork fans, I think you noticed something about D.A.'s family. 


	2. keesha plans to outsmart wanda

**note:** I seem to like the idea of Dorothy Ann driving an old car and her dad having a guilty pleasure in fixing up old cars.

* * *

_**popular mechanics**_** for lovers**  
by, the ultimateSora

**chapter two  
in which keesha plans to outsmart wanda**

The burnt orange 1978 Mercedes Benz 450SL with the license plate "EWING 06" was one of the more unique cars in the school parking lot. Dorothy Ann's dad, John, liked fixing up old cars, and when he came across the Mercedes, he bought it for only $200 as it needed a lot of work. It took him two years, but he gave the keys to Dorothy Ann for her sixteenth birthday. Her older sisters also all got old cars he fixed up for them. For her seventeenth birthday, he got her a new stereo for the Mercedes. It was a two seater (it could fit one more person behind the seats, but D.A.'s speakers were there), so Wanda and Keesha would argue who would ride with D.A. to school. Wanda had her own car, but she liked D.A.'s more. And, also, because she was such a rough driver, it was always in the shop for something.

After school had let out, Phoebe headed to her Jeep Grand Cherokee (her grandparents got her the Jeep for her birthday last July when she finished her sophomore year with a 3.5) waiting for the loser of Rock, Paper, Scissors to ride with her. That was how Keesha and Wanda decided who would ride with D.A. Phoebe got in the Jeep, and Wanda jumped in the passenger seat a minute later.

"Lemme guess, you lost?" Phoebe asked.

"Shut up."

She started the engine. "I don't understand why you and Keesha don't drive your own cars."

"My baby's getting the brakes replaced, and Keesha feels like hot shit in the Ewing Mobile."

They followed the "Ewing Mobile" to Phoebe's house (as D.A. left before they did), and Phoebe groaned when she saw Tim and Arnold yelling at each other on the front lawn.

"I don't get it," Wanda said, watching the boys scuffle. "What perfume do you wear?"

"I don't."

She nodded. "Well, that explains your musky smell."

Phoebe sniffed her arm pits. "I'm not 'musky'."

"Pheebs, I can smell you. Try some perfume or something."

They got out of the Jeep after Phoebe pulled in the driveway (D.A. parked in the street), and Phoebe trotted to the yard. "What are you two doing?" Both boys started explaining themselves, but all Phoebe heard was incoherent babble. "One at a time! Arnold, go."

Arnold smirked at Tim. "I was just coming over to bring you a little gift, but Slippery Pete here broke it and threw it down the storm drain."

Tim let out an indignant shriek. "I _so_ did not! And 'Slippery Pete'? What the hell, man?"

"You broke it! And you threw it down the storm drain!"

"I did not! _You_ dropped!"

"YOU THREW IT!"

"YOU DROPPED IT!"

They both smacked each other, and before anyone reacted, Tim tackled the red head and they were scuffling on the grass.

"_Would you two stop?_" Phoebe screamed.

Wanda held her hand up to D.A. and Keesha. "Three...two...one."

As if on cue, both boys had the other in a hold, and as Tim yelled, "HATE CRIME!", Arnold yelled, "ANTI-SEMITE!"

Phoebe rolled her eyes and sighed, "Leave. Both of you."

The boys let go of each other and each trudged to their cars. The girls went inside and up to their upstairs den. "Pheebs, would you just choose between artsy black guy and preppy Jew boy?" Wanda asked. "This is seriously getting old."

Phoebe sighed. "You're telling me."

Keesha grabbed a pen and pad from the computer desk in the den. "Look, let's make a comparison chart. Okay, we'll start with Tim. Pros and Cons."

The four all discussed it and came out with the lists:

**TIMOTHY DANIEL REYNOLDS  
pros: **_very cute, drives a V-Dub, plays guitar, can draw_  
**cons:**_ likes to wear same three t-shirts everyday, somewhat emo, not much of a personality_

**ARNOLD TANNER PERLSTEIN  
pros:**_ man-pretty, drives a Toyota SUV, would probably be whipped, on the swim team_  
**cons: **_man-pretty, whiny, somewhat emo, likes rocks more than girls(?), shaves his chest and legs_

"But I don't like hair, so that last one on Arnold's cons isn't a problem for me," Phoebe said. "And he does it for swimming."

"He's a dude that shaves," Wanda said. "Ralphie doesn't shave."

"Why are you bringing him up?" Keesha snapped.

"Why _not_?

Dorothy Ann laughed. "It's because you _loove_ him." She turned to Phoebe. "I swear, I'm having too much fun with this."

"STIFLE IT, EWING!" Wanda screamed, tackling Dorothy Ann.

Phoebe smiled. "Huh, usually, _I'm_ the one whose face she sits on."

* * *

Wanda knocked on the door at the Tennelli house, and she was taken aback when Janet answered. "What d'you want, Wanda Leech?" 

Wanda sarcastically laughed. "Oh, ho ho, Janet, your shitty sense of humor never _ceases_ to amuse me. Where's Ralphie?"

"Upstairs, naked, waiting for me," Janet said, matter-of-factly.

Wanda's nostrils flared, and she pointed her finger close to Janet's nose. Through gritted teeth, she hissed, "Listen, Perlstein, I suffer from rage blackouts, and one of these days, you're going to be at the receiving end. SO HELP YOU GOD, I ONLY DO MINOR DAMAGE WHEN YOU ARE." She stood back and smoothed out her skirt. "Good day to you." She turned on her heel when Janet shut the door, and she nearly bumped into Keesha. "What the hell...?"

Keesha held up her hands. "Oh, God, no, we are NOT turning into Emo Boy and Assclown."

"I call being Arnold," Wanda said, raising her hand. "He's the pretty one."

"So, I'm Tim because I'm black?" Keesha covered her face, took a deep breath, and took her hands down. "Okay, we can settle this. What say you and I team up?"

Wanda crossed her arms. "Team up?"

"To break up Ralphie and Janet."

Wanda nodded. "I'm listening."

"That was it."

"What do we do now?"

Keesha put her arm around Wanda's shoulders and escorted her to her car. "Wanda, my friend, we plan."

* * *

"It's brilliant, D.A., just _brilliant_!" Keesha said, beaming, as she paced around D.A.'s room. 

Dorothy Ann, who was reading Friedrich Nietzsche's _T__hus Spoke Zarathustra_, sat on her bed, uninterested in what Keesha was saying. "Mmm hmm."

"See, I team up with her, and then _bam!_ I outsmart her into getting Ralphie! It'll work because even _Phoebe_ could outsmart Wanda."

Dorothy Ann slowly turned a page. "Keesha, in all honesty, I don't care."

There was a knock on the door and Sue Ellen poked her head in. "Dinner's ready, girls."

"We'll be down in a minute, mom," D.A. said, not looking up. She put her book down. "C'mon, let's go."

Keesha crossed her arms. "No."

"What?"

"You said you didn't care, but you'll listen to Phoebe about her boy problems and we put up with yours."

D.A. sighed. "Okay, first off, I could care less about Phoebe's problems. As for mine, you and Wanda provoke them. There is a difference."

The two went downstairs, both nearly knocked down the stairs by little Bobby who ran past them. The girls sat down at the dinner table, and after grace, Sue Ellen asked how everyone's day was.

"I plan on outsmarting Wanda for a guy," Keesha said.

"Outsmarting Wanda?" John laughed. "We've known that girl since you all were in diapers, and I can easily say, it won't be hard."

"Thanks, Mr. Ewing," Keesha said. "I don't think it'll be hard, either."

* * *

Phoebe couldn't help but stare at Mikey Ramone's toned arms as he wrote down some notes. She snapped from her trance when she realized he was asking her something. "Um, what?" 

He smiled. "I said, what was the symbolism in Act II of the play?"

"GOD DAMN IT TO HELL!" They were interrupted by Carlos shouting from upstairs. He ran down the stairs and they heard him mutter, "I am going to cut their balls off if they don't leave."

Phoebe jumped up and trotted after him. "Carlos, what is it?"

"Your two _idiot_ boyfriends are fighting in front of my house."

Phoebe pushed past him and ran out to the front yard to find Arnold and Tim wrestling one another. She grabbed Tim around the waist and pulled him off of Arnold, but Tim, thinking it was Carlos, pushed her onto Arnold and tried to fight both of them. She was sandwiched between the two, and Tim's fist, aiming for Arnold's jaw, got her in the left eye, a distinct, dull _CRACK!_ audible.

"_Son of a bitch!_" she screamed, grabbing her face. The curse from her was rare, but considering the bone under her eye was probably cracked, no one thought of it.

"Oh, holy shit!" Tim pulled her to her feet. "Pheebs! No wonder Carlos seemed so skinny."

Arnold got up and pushed Tim away from her. "Get away! Phoebe, are you okay?"

"_No_,_ I'm not okay!_" She backed away from them, still holding her eye. "I wish you two would _stop this_!"

"Then choose one of us already," Tim said.

"Okay," she said, nodding. "I'd rather be alone, so I choose _neither_!"

Arnold held his hands up. "Whoa, no need to be hasty, Pheebs."

Tim nodded. "What say you go on one date with each of us. Me this Friday, and then me again on Saturday?"

"Dick move, ass," Arnold snarled.

"Well, in your case, a vagina move," Tim said, smirking.

Phoebe held her hands up. "Look, I'll go on a date with Tim on Friday and Arnold on Saturday, on _one condition_. No fighting between the two of you. And if I don't choose one of you, you both have to promise to leave me alone. Deal?"

The two looked sourly at one another and then looked at her, nodding. "Deal."


	3. wanda hates the nickname wandoucher

_**popular mechanics**_** for lovers**  
by, the ultimateSora

**chapter three  
in which wanda hates the nickname "wandoucher"**

Phoebe's left eye, which was swollen and bruised, was throbbing as she tried to do her one minute paper in her third period English class that Friday afternoon. A note fell on her desk as she wrote, and she sighed, knowing who it was from. She opened it, and it read:

_A.T.P.  
P.A.T.  
equals  
_

_---------  
_

_fill in the blank  
- a.t.p._

Phoebe finished her paper, turned it in, and wrote back in the note:

_just friends_

She passed it back to Arnold who was sitting diagonally behind her. He wrote back:

_it's undeniable, pheebs. we __do__ have the same initials...kinda._

She sighed and wrote back:

_that doesn't mean diddly._

He wrote back:

_it must mean something, phoebe antoinette terese. you have such a beautiful and classical name_

She wrote back:

_flattery will get you nowhere, arnold tanner perlstein. and having the initials "p.a.t." was horrible when everyone would compare you to pat on __saturday night live_

He wrote back:

_hopefully flattery will get me into your_

But where in Phoebe was never specified as the teacher intercepted the note. She sighed and said, "Mr. Perlstein and Miss Terese, you will serve one hour of detention after school."

Phoebe wanted to retort, but she turned and snapped a look at Arnold, who just sheepishly shrugged.

* * *

Wanda was stretching out before the start of her fourth period dance/drill team class. She watched as Janet came in, laughing with two other girls on the squad, and she got up and went over to the red head. 

"Hey, Janet, can I talk to you?"

Janet cocked an eyebrow. "Sorry, Li, I don't speak midget."

Wanda was about to jump her, but two other girls stopped her. "_IT'S 'LITTLE PERSON'!_" she screamed."_AND I'M THREE INCHES TALLER THAN THE REQUIREMENT!_" She snapped from her anger and backed away, keeping her cool. "I'm fine, I'm cool." She took a deep breath. "I'd like to talk to you about Ralphie."

Janet laughed. "Oh! You mean my _boyfriend_, whose virginity I had taken!"

Wanda flared her nostrils. "Hey! I happen to know he _isn't_ a virgin prior to you getting your slimy, slag hands on him."

Janet held a finger up. "Okay, first off, the proper term is 'wasn't', and second off, if you think you're getting him, you are sorely mistaken, my short adversary."

Wanda laughed as Janet walked past her. "Oh, if you think you can use big words to confuse me then _it's working_!"

* * *

Keesha saw Wanda sitting on one of the couches in the library during the fourth period study hour reading the latest issue of _Cosmo_. She plopped down on the couch beside her. 

"Any luck talking to Janet?"

Wanda, not looking up from her magazine, shook her head. "She, like, used big words, and I can't remember half the conversation. I think I was like...rage black outing, or somethin'."

Keesha smacked herself on the forehead and shut her eyes in frustration. "Wandoucher, you idiot!"

Wanda snapped up from her magazine. "That is a _bad_ nickname."

Keesha shrugged. "It's better than the one you gave Phoebe in fourth grade."

"Pssh, nothing can top 'Peepee Terese'," she argued.

"'Wandoucher' can."

Wanda frogged her on the upper arm.

* * *

When the final bell at the end of sixth period rang, everyone went to their cars, except for Arnold and Phoebe. They went to one of the government classrooms where detention was being held, and Phoebe sat on one side of the classroom, away from him. He got up from where he had sat down, and he went to sit beside her. 

"I'm missing my Geology Society meeting for this," he whispered. She ignored him and pulled out a book to read. "What're you reading?" She kept on ignoring him. "So where's Tim taking you tonight?" She turned a page, still ignoring him. "I'm surprised you're still going on a date with him after he punched you." She still ignored him.

He ripped out a sheet of paper and scribbled something. He passed the paper over to her, and she read it:

_There was once a red headed boy  
Who fell for a red headed girl.  
She had eyes so bright and green,  
Her body so long and lean.  
She ignores him,  
Thinking it hurts him,  
But it only makes him want her more._

She couldn't help but smile, and he notice her write something. She passed it back to him:

_There was once a girl named Phoebe  
Who had two idiots fall for her.  
One was emo, the other pretty.  
She wished terribly that they'd leave her be._

"Cute," he muttered sarcastically.

She shrugged, going back to her book.

* * *

Phoebe went home, and she found the girls sitting in her room. Wanda jumped to her feet. "Where've you been? We've been waiting for like ever!" 

"Calm, Wandoucher," Keesha said.

"Shut it," Wanda snapped.

"What're you four doing here?" Phoebe asked, putting her backpack down.

Dorothy Ann reached into a plastic bag. "We brought you clothes for tonight. Wanda and Keesha didn't feel you had the right attire for a concert."

Tim's date was her going to see his band perform at a coffee shop near the high school. He played guitar and was co-vocalist with the bass player, and his band was called The Triple Entente (the drummer was a World War I buff).

"What'd you bring me?" Phoebe asked, sitting down at her computer desk.

D.A. tossed a rolled up yellow t-shirt to Wanda, who unrolled it. In big black letters it said "NEVER MIND THE BOLLOCKS. HERE'S THE" and under that in pink ransom note-like letters it said "SEX PISTOLS".

"We got it at Value Village," Wanda said. "It's even got a slight puke stain on the bottom."

Phoebe frowned. "I'm not wearing a shirt with a vomit stain that says 'Sex Pistols' on it. And besides, it looks like a little kid's shirt."

Keesha nodded. "Exactly. It'll fit fine."

Phoebe grunted and crossed her arms. "What else you got?"

D.A. tossed a pair of folded jeans to Wanda, who unfolded them. They looked like they had gone through a wood chipper as they were full of holes and tears. Keesha would have been able to pull them off with her hipster sense of style, but not Phoebe.

"So I'm supposed to wear torn up jeans and a..._Sex Pistols_...shirt?" Phoebe asked. "I don't even know who the Sex Pistols are!"

"_Were_," Wanda corrected. "They were a highly influential British punk band from the mid 70's. Duh, Pheebs. Don't you know your music history?"

Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. You guys leave so I can change."

The four started to walk out, and Wanda said sarcastically, "Yeah, I _really_ want to see Tiny Tits McGee shirtless."

* * *

The girls had also bought her a pair of used pink Chuck Taylors to finish the outfit, and Wanda said she looked "poser shiek" when she was dressed. 

"Whatever the hell that means," Keesha sighed.

"I'm just saying, if the Friz took us to 1977 London, Phoebe would fit right in with her skinny frame and old clothes," Wanda explained as she did Phoebe's hair. "But nowadays, she just looks like a poser." She added some more hairspray, and she stepped back. "Done."

Phoebe got up to see herself in the mirror. "I look like a whore."

Wanda shook her head. "It's called 'make-up', and you look good. Besides, it's hiding that shiner Tim gave you." Wanda had pulled Phoebe's hair up in a pony tail with her bangs pulled back in a faux hawk-like mound on top of her head. "Though, I didn't know scalps could be freckley, too."

"Hey, remember when Arnold was orange, and you were with Tim and Carlos on Phoebe's face?" Keesha asked D.A.

"Yeah, that was weird," D.A. said, nodding.

"Weren't you guys here?" Wanda asked, poking Phoebe on her left eye where the bruise was.

"OW! _My eye_!" Phoebe yelped, grabbing her face.

Keesha gave Wanda a thumbs up. "Chalk up another win for Wandoucher."

Wanda threw a brush at her.

* * *

**note:** chp. 4 will be mostly about the dates, so yeah. :) 


	4. phoebe dates two guys at the same time

**note:** So, just a break down of the girls' screenames, in case it gets confusing:

**Wanda:** LilDancerLi05 - "Little Dancer Li 05"  
**Keesha: **keesh is gud - "Keesh is good", a play on "quiche"  
**Dorothy Ann: **DAblondie86 - "D.A. blondie 86"  
**Phoebe:** pheebsLuvsDCFC - "Pheebs Loves Death Cab For Cutie"

* * *

_**popular mechanics**_** for lovers**  
by, the ultimateSora

**chapter four  
in which phoebe dates two guys at the same time (kinda)**

Tim was showing off his Volkswagen GTI's engine as they barreled through the town. Phoebe held onto the bar on the door, fearful for her life. To calm herself, she nodded to the stereo.

"Who's this?"

He smiled. "Brand New. You like 'em?"

She shook her head. "In all honesty, they kinda sound like everyone else."

"Well, who do _you _like?"

She thought about it. "I don't listen to much, but I like Spoon and Death Cab For Cutie, mostly."

He chuckled. "Death Cab? And _I'm_ emo?"

"They're not emo," she said. "Ben Gibbard isn't whiny."

"Spoon's okay," he said, shrugging.

She was thankful they got to the coffee shop in one piece, and he left her so he could get ready. The Triple Entente was the second to last band to go on, and Phoebe sat through two other bands, lead by the same looking skinny, pimply 15 year old boys with cracking voices. Phoebe wasn't impressed. She sipped on her frozen coffee drink, and she was getting funny looks from the emo kids there.

She was thankful when she saw Tim's band set up, and Tim came up to his mic when they were done. "Hey, everyone, we're The Triple Entente, and we're going to start off with a new song. It's called 'He's a Pretty Nerd'."

_He didn't_, Phoebe thought to herself.

"And this is dedicated to a special girl in the audience." He counted the band off, and they started off with a fast rhythm.

_He did_, Phoebe sighed to herself, her cheeks turning pink.

"_He's just a pretty-boy, yeah, just a pretty-boy_," Tim sang. "_And there's nothing he can give you_./_You can have a guy so much better than him, so much better than him_/_And that guy is me_."

Phoebe didn't hear the chorus, but she didn't have to. She got up and left the coffee shop, and she sat outside on the patio. She waited for him to finish his set, and he came outside half an hour later. He was grinning, and he sat down beside her.

"So what'd you think?" She smacked his arm. "Hey! What was that for?"

"You wrote a song about this situation?" she demanded.

"No!" Her eyebrows arched. "Okay, yes, I did."

She got up. "Take me home now."

He grabbed her arm. "Pheebs, don't be mad, please? I'm sorry." He pouted. "Please forgive me?"

"I'll only forgive you if you promise never to perform that song again," she said, her eyebrows still arched.

He grinned. "I promise." He got up. "I'll take you home now." They got in the GTI, and he drove her home. He parked out in front of her house, and he took her hand in his. "I still had fun spending time with you."

She forced a smile. She wished she could say the same, but she couldn't. She was surprised when he leaned forward and planted his lips on hers. She had never been kissed, but she knew this wasn't a good one. He was just as awkward as her, and his lips were wet. He pressed his tongue against her lips, and it felt limp and slobbery. She pulled back and patted his shoulder.

"'Night, Tim." She got out, discreetly wiping her mouth of saliva, and Tim watched her walk up to the front door. She went inside and went upstairs. She had left her IM on, and she took off her away message. She was instantly invited to a chat.

**LilDancerLi05:** pheebs, how was it?

**keesh is gud:** yeah, srsly

**DAblondie86:** Did you two kiss?

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** whoa whoa can i please sit down first?

**LilDancerLi05:** NO! TELL US HOW IT WAS!!

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** eager lil beaver, arent you?

**keesh is gud:** hahaha! wandoucher is a beaver!

**LilDancerLi05:** I WILL KEEL YOU, KEESHA

**DAblondie86:** Calm down, Wanda.

**LilDancerLi05:** cant. all hopped up on mountain dew

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** wanda, what'd we say about your sugar intake?

**LilDancerLi05:** um...always intake a lot?

**keesh is gud:** dumbass

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** you know, you guys could just come over...

**LilDancerLi05:** I CALL RIDING WITH DA!!!

**DAblondie86:** Or...you could drive your own damn car. I'll be over in a few, Pheebs.

**keesh is gud:** same here. im not gonna make da drive me, UNLIKE SOME SHORT PEOPLE WITH NAPOLEON COMPLEXES HERE

**LilDancerLi05:** keesha, ur so dumb. pheebs isnt short.

_DAblondie86 has signed off._

_keesh is gud has signed off._

_LilDancerLi05 has signed off._

Phoebe sighed and threw off her "punk" clothes, and she put on her pajamas: girl-boxers and a grey wife beater. She sat back down at her computer when _TDR Entente_ signed in. It was Tim.

**TDR Entente:** i'm sorry about tonight. give me another chance. one more date

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** no, that was the deal. one date with you, one with arnold

Her bedroom door opened, and the girls walked in. They all lived about the same distance from Phoebe, so they all roughly arrived at the same time. Wanda jumped onto her bed, and Keesha laid down on the floor, spreading her arms and legs out so she looked like an X. D.A. sat down on her butterfly chair near the window.

"So, how was it?" D.A. asked.

Phoebe signed out so Tim would stop begging her for another date, and she turned off the monitor. "Awkward, humiliating, down right sad."

"Everything that embodies Phoebe A. Terese," Keesha said with a smile.

Phoebe groaned. "It was awful. He had written a song about this love triangle, which I wouldn't really call a love triangle because I'm so mad at the whole situation that they're both annoying to me." She sighed.

"Well," Keesha said. "Tim doesn't really have people skills. We all know that. Did he kiss you?"

Phoebe closed her eyes and groaned. "Yeah, he kissed me, which was the worst first kiss ever. It was so awkward and bad, even _I_ knew it was a bad kiss."

"So Tim's a bad kisser," Wanda said. "Maybe what he lacks in kissing, he makes up with in sex." She snorted. "Who'm I kidding. That's never true."

* * *

The tree was cramped with the two of them sitting on it sharing binoculars. The two figures dressed in all black fought over said binoculars as they watched the couple come back to the boy's house. The two figures in the tree began to smack one another, and the taller one pushed the shorter one a little too hard. 

"OH, SHIT!" the short figure in black screamed when she fell.

Ralphie and Janet turned to see Wanda fall out of a tree in his yard. "Wanda?" he asked, going over to her. He noticed she was in tight black pants, a black turtle neck, a black cap, and black boots. "What're you doing here? Were you spying on me?"

"Um...no. I have this, like, thing where I like to sit in people's trees in all black," she said, matter-of-factly, still on her back.

"That's a good look for you, Wanda," Janet said. "On your back. Isn't that how you met the entire basketball team?"

"Janet, if I wasn't sure my tail bone was broken, I'd scissor kick you in the back of the head."

Ralphie helped her up. "We should get you to the hospital."

Wanda shook her head. "I'm used to falling. Remember when you and Carlos dared me to jump off of Phoebe's roof? Or the time I fell off the water tower?"

Ralphie thought about it. "Which time?"

"Doesn't matter." She broke from his hold and limped to her car. "My ass is going to be sore for a week."

Janet laughed. "That's what she said."

* * *

Dorothy Ann had ever letter her admirer had sent her spread out over her floor Saturday morning. Each one was the same. All typed out, all cryptic. She knew it couldn't have been Carlos. He could never keep a secret, or so she thought. She shook it from her mind and put the letter back in her desk as her bedroom door opened. It was Phoebe. 

"Hey, Pheebs."

"Hey, I need some help," she said, sitting on D.A.'s bed.

"Sure. What?"

Phoebe bit her lip. "If tonight's going to be anything like yesterday, I want you to call Arnold for me and tell him I have mono or something."

D.A. sighed. "Phoebe, I'm not doing your dirty work. Why not ask Keesha or Wanda? They're bitchy enough to do it."

Phoebe shook her head. "Keesha's in the photography lab all day, and Wanda said something about a broken ass. I didn't want to ask any more."

D.A. nodded. "Understandable. But I'm still not calling Arnold. Just go through with it. How bad can it be?"

Phoebe got up and went over to her, hands on her chest. "D.A., I'm a Terese. We're meek, insecure, filled with paralyzing self-doubt, and bad luck follows us wherever we go. It's going to be bad."

"Well, I can't argue with that truthful logic," D.A. sighed. "But I'm still not doing it. You're 17--"

"16."

"--years old. You're a grown woman..." She looked up and down Phoebe's gangly body. "...kinda. I think you can do this."

Phoebe heaved a big sigh. "I guess. Then I need to do some shopping, because I don't have anything to wear."

D.A. nodded. "Your clothing is a little below par, and I may be no Wanda, but I know a thing or two about clothing."

* * *

D.A. helped her pick out a cute polo and skirt, and she helped Phoebe with her make-up. D.A. wore make-up, but she wore it in a "natural" way so it didn't look like she was wearing any. Phoebe, who never wore it, still looked to be wearing it, and D.A. packed a lot on around Phoebe's left eye. 

"Done and done," D.A. said, stepping back. "You don't look so whorish like last night."

She nodded. "That's good." The doorbell rang, and Phoebe got up. "Wow, he actually rang the bell. Tim just honked."

"I'll stay here until you leave," D.A. said. "Good luck."

"Thanks. I'll need it." She slipped on the leather flip-flops D.A. picked out, and she went to the landing and saw Arnold down in the foyer chatting with her dad.

She went down the stairs, and her dad and Arnold looked over at her. "There she is," Mr. Terese said with a smile. He shook Arnold's hand. "Pleasure talking to you, son. Have her back before midnight."

Arnold grinned. "No problem, sir."

He escorted Phoebe out, and he opened the passenger door for her. She was surprised, and he got in on the driver side. He was different when he wasn't fighting with Tim.

"You and my dad seemed to hit it off," she said, buckling her seat belt.

He shrugged, starting the engine. "Growing up an only child, I've had a lot practice talking to adults."

"Where're we going?" she asked.

He turned on the radio. "I was thinking dinner at the Greek restaurant downtown, and then we'd hit the butterfly center at the science museum."

She was taken aback. "Really? Wow, I haven't been there in forever."

"I like to go see the geology exhibit hall, and when I was there, I saw they're doing an IMAX movie tonight of rainforest butterflies." He smiled at her, and she smiled back. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. "How was last night?"

She shook her head. "Don't want to talk about it."

He grinned. "That bad, huh?"

She held her hands up. "I actually want to try to have fun, so let's just drop it."

He drove them to downtown, and she saw they were at the Greek restaurant called Alexander the Great. She gasped. "Arnold, isn't this place kinda expensive?"

He shrugged as he turned off the engine. "Dad gave me some money for tonight. I figure might as well take you somewhere nice."

They got out, and he held out his arm for her to loop hers through. She was hesitant at first, but she went ahead. They walked in the restaurant, which was small and dim inside, but it seemed cozy in a way. There was a live band playing Greek instrumental music in the corner of the restaurant, and Phoebe almost felt underdressed for the place. She guessed she was dressed fine as Arnold was wearing jeans and a nice polo.

"Reservation for 'Perlstein'," he said to the hostess.

She smiled. "Right this way."

Phoebe leaned close to him and whispered, "I feel so adult."

He grinned. "That's always a good feeling." He pulled out her chair for her when they got to the table, and she sat down. They soon ordered, Phoebe getting a vegetarian dish. "I didn't know you didn't eat meat."

She grinned. "That's why I weight 42 pounds."

Dinner went off without any awkwardness or anything going wrong. Phoebe hoped her Terese-luck wouldn't surface. It wasn't that she _liked_ Arnold; she just wanted to have a nice evening out. After dinner, he drove them to the science museum where they saw the butterfly IMAX film, and he tried to stay awake since she was alert and interested in the movie. When the movie finished, they walked around the butterfly center, which was built like an artificial rainforest for the butterflies. Phoebe giggled when one landed in Arnold's hair, and she held out her finger so it would get on it.

"What kind is it?" he asked.

"I think it's a Blue Wave Butterfly," she said.

"It's pretty," he said, looking closer at it.

Phoebe felt his hair brush her forehead, and she looked up from the butterfly to find her nose against his. She knew he was going to kiss her, and she hoped it'd be better than last night's. They were the only two in that section of the center, and Phoebe was glad for that when he pressed his lips against hers.

The butterfly flew off of her finger when Arnold brought his hands up to cup her face. He knew what he was doing, and he wasn't a slobbery kisser. He gently parted her lips with his tongue, and she felt a warm tingle between her legs when his tongue touched hers.

_Well, that was different_, she said to herself.

He slowly pulled away, and Phoebe realized she wasn't breathing. She took a breath and slowly let it out. "Um, wow."

He nodded. "C'mon, I'll take you home."

They walked back to his SUV, and he drove her back home. They sat in front of her house, and he kissed her again. Phoebe felt the warm feeling again, and when he pulled away, she looked at the clock.

"You know, it's only 11:14. You wanna...I dunno...come in and watch TV or something?"

"Sure. My curfew's one, so that's fine."

They got out, and she opened the front door and saw her parents in the living room down the hall. "I'm home."

Her mom waved. "We were just making sure you'd be back before 12."

Her dad got up. "Well, I have to go to bed. You two going to watch TV here or in the upstairs den?"

Phoebe shrugged. "Den, I guess."

"Don't stay up too late," her mom said, also getting up. Their room was downstairs, and Phoebe heard their door shut.

She and Arnold went upstairs, and she turned on the TV. They sat on the couch, and she felt Arnold's lips on her neck. She turned and he caught her lips with his. She didn't know why she was making out with him. She wasn't attracted to him, her crush on him long gone, but it just felt _so good_.

She felt his hand slide up under her shirt along her back, and she didn't care.

* * *

Phoebe felt sunlight his her eyes, and she turned on her side, feeling warm, bare skin against hers. Her eyes shot open. She looked under the sheets and gasped when she realized she and her bedmate were both naked. 

Arnold turned over, smiling, and muttered, "Good morning."

* * *

**note:** yes, Arnold and Phoebe did it...but you'll have to wait until five to see what happens. :)


	5. arnold makes a jackhole of himself

**note:** Sorry about the wait, and worry not, Phoebe is not pregnant. Arnold was smart enough to use protection ;) Though, I think Phoebe would be the first of the girls to get pregnant (completely by accident), but not at 16, lol. Well, here's chapter five, which has my favorite chapter name thus far.

* * *

_**popular mechanics**_** for lovers**  
by, the ultimateSora

**chapter five  
in which arnold makes a jackhole of himself**

"You _slept with him?_" Keesha's jaw was dropped. "As in, _you had sex with him?_"

"Arnold. Our Arnold?" Wanda asked. "You lost your virginity to Arnold Tanner Perlstein?"

"Why did you jump into bed with him?" D.A. asked.

Phoebe sat there on her bed (sheets washed and dried) with her hands on her eyes. "Yes," she said, not moving. "I had sex with Arnold." She looked up and spread her arms out. "_I had sex with Arnold Perlstein!_" She sighed and fell back on her pillows. "I feel so dirty."

"So are you two a couple?" Keesha asked.

"No! I don't even like him like that!" Phoebe sighed and closed her eyes again.

Wanda got up and went over to her. She pressed her palm against Phoebe's forehead and said, "I hereby announce you a whore."

"You mean 'pronounce'?" D.A. asked.

Wanda waved her off. "Right, right, whatever."

Phoebe sat up, Wanda's hand still on her face. "You can move your hand now."

Wanda shrugged. "You're warm. I kinda like it."

Phoebe smacked her hand off. "And _I'm_ the gay one?" She sighed. "I'm not a whore."

"You jump into bed with a guy you're no longer attracted to or dating, bone dry sober," D.A. pointed out. "How are you not a whore?"

"He didn't pay her," Keesha pointed out, snapping her fingers. "So she's...a slut."

"So that means..." Wanda looked up as her brain pieced it together. "She's...the...gay slut of the group?"

"_I'm not gay!_" Wanda got a face full of pillow.

* * *

Phoebe was online after the girls left, and right when they had gotten home, the four were talking online. Another IM window popped up, and the screename was "WHSswimAP". She knew who it was. "Walker High School swim Arnold Perlstein".

**WHSswimAP:** i hope this morning wasnt awkward for u

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** o no, it wasnt. i mean, i DID wake up naked next to a guy im not dating

**WHSswimAP:** so...it wasn't awkward ;) jk

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** you...you didn't see...anything...did you?

**WHSswimAP:** well...just ur boobs. mostly.

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** "MOSTLY"?! WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

**WHSswimAP:** ok, i snuck a peak when u were sleeping

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** WHAT?!

**WHSswimAP:** pheebs, u have nothing to be ashamed about. ur birthmark is cute

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** wait...which one?

**WHSswimAP:** the one that looks like rhode island

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** HOW DID YOU SEE THAT ONE WITHOUT ME WAKING UP?

**WHSswimAP:** id tell u, but u will prolly kill me.

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** sigh i dont have the capabilities to kill anything. i dont even kill bugs

**WHSswimAP:** yeah but u like bugs. butterflies, spiders, praying mantises. bugs are to you like rocks are to me

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** i guess

**WHSswimAP:** what does ur SN mean?

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** Pheebs Loves Death Cab For Cutie

**WHSswimAP:** i take it you like The Postal Service, then

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** as much as I love Ben Gibbard, im not a fan of the electronic sound

**WHSswimAP:** lol, im the opposite. i like The Postal Service more than Death Cab. ben gibbard is awesome, tho

**pheebsLuvsDCFC:** you like Ben Gibbard, too?

**WHSswimAP:** i think he has an awesome voice. if i had any ounce of musical ability in me, i wish i could sing like him

They ended up having a two hour IM conversation on Ben Gibbard's music and Death Cab vs. The Postal Service. The more they talked, the less awkward Phoebe felt about the previous night's action.

* * *

Monday came, to everyone's disappointment.

Arnold was walking to his first period US history class when he spotted Tim at his locker. Smirking, he went over to his adversary, who didn't look to be in a great mood. Arnold lightly popped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, _friend_, how did your date with Phoebe go?"

Tim shot him a look. "Wouldn't _you_ like to know."

"Mine? Oh, it went great. Yeah, we ended up having sex." Tim's attention was all on him, and he looked ready to kill Arnold. "It was great sex, too. Mind you, it was our first time, but it was mind blowing. She's a screamer. I had her saying my name within five minutes. Her nail scratches are still on my back."

Tim suddenly grinned, shut his locker, and he patted Arnold's shoulder has he walked off to his class. "That's great, man. Oh, by the way, she's right behind you."

Arnold blanched, and he slowly turned around to find a beet red Phoebe standing there, staring daggers and her arms crossed. "So now you're _bragging_ to everyone?"

He gulped. "No," he said, voice cracking. "No, not everyone. Just...just...Tim. How much did you hear?"

"All of it!" She angrily bit her lip and hissed, "I may be a screamer, but _you don't have to tell everyone!_"

"I _didn't_ tell everyone!" he defended, voice still cracking from nerves.

"So do Ralphie and Carlos know too?" she asked, face still red, arms still crossed.

"No." Her eyes widened. "Yes! I'm sorry, but it's not like the girls know!"

She nodded. "I may have told them, but it's because I needed moral support! It may have been the most pleasurable experience I've had in a while, but I still felt dirty afterwards."

Arnold's face fell, and his in a softer voice he asked, "You felt dirty? Why?"

Her tone softened, and Arnold noticed tears around her eyes. "I thought you were different, and I was almost considering you, but..." She sighed and turned on her heel. "Just leave me alone, Arnold."

Arnold watched her walk down the hall, and he suddenly felt guilty and bad. He just blew his one, small, miniscule chance with her.

* * *

Dorothy Ann couldn't believe she was running late. She _never_ ran late in her life. Her slight OCD made her obsessive with punctuality (and studying and cleanliness), but she was running late. It was five minutes to the final morning bell, and she grunted, struggling to get her tennis bag in her locker. She didn't have time to go to the athletics hall and then to the science hall for her first period physics class. She finally got her bag in the locker, and now she had to get her book out.

"Dammit, why didn't I do that first?" she huffed to herself.

She yanked the book out, a folded up piece of paper flying out, hitting her eye. She shut her locker before the tennis bag fell out, and she picked up the note, unfolding it as she walked to physics.

_Miss Dorothy Ann Ewing,_

_I just wanted to write to you this fine morning to hope you have a wonderful day, and I will see you at the formal. :)_

_your admirer_

She grunted, ripping the note up and throwing it away when she got in the classroom. The notes were annoying to her. Someone like Phoebe would have enjoyed them, but not her. She sat down at her table with her three lab partners, and she took a relaxed breath as the final bell rang.

"You're cutting it close," one of her partners, Allison, laughed.

"Aren't you usually the first one here?" Ryan, her other partner, asked.

"I had some car trouble this morning, so I had to convince my mom to let me borrow hers," D.A. explained.

Her third partner, Chris, laughed. "Yeah, I was afraid you wouldn't be here. You're like the brains of this group."

D.A. laughed, but when Allison and Ryan nodded in agreement, she stopped.

* * *

Wanda was walking to her third period US history class when she felt a hand on her arm. It was Ralphie. "Hey, how's the butt bone?"

She nodded as she said, "Fine, fine. Just bruised. But...not like that's the first time I've bruised my butt."

He nodded, not really wanting more details. "So, really, what were you doing in my tree?"

Her mouth went into an O shape, and her eyes widened, which was her expression of "I making this up as I go along". Unfortunately, Ralphie knew her well enough to know this. "Oh, see, there's like this type of...tree...weasel, and I like to catch them. You know...as a hobby."

Ralphie rubbed his chin. "Wanda, your hobbies include making girls cry, beating up those who annoy you, watching the Cowboys drunk and in your underwear, and drill team."

"And night weasel hunting," she added. "Yeah." She blinked and skipped a beat. "Wait, you know my hobbies?"

He nodded. "Well, yeah. I've known you since we were three. I knew all your different waves of hobbies. In elementary school, it was sports and beating up second graders. In junior high, it was making girls cry, sports, beating up sixth graders, and..." Suddenly, it hit him. "...stalking guys you like. Hey, wait, are you stalking me?"

She shook her head. "No, that was a junior high hobby, not a junior in high school one."

He narrowed his eyes. "Okay, well, I have to get to Spanish. I'll see you around."

She nodded. "Okay, well, aloha."

He smiled. "That's Hawaiian."

She shrugged. "Close enough."

* * *

Phoebe just wanted the day to end. Arnold left her notes in her locker, all apology notes, and he passed similar ones to her in their third and fourth period classes. She found an empty table at lunch, not wanting to talk to anyone or draw attention to herself. She knew Arnold would incessantly apologize, and Tim would try to act sympathetic so she'd choose him. She was sick of both of them. She was glad, however, to see Mikey Ramone wheel up to her empty table.

"Hey, Pheebs, you coming by this evening?" he asked.

She nodded as she finished chewing her sandwich. "Yeah."

"You okay? You seem kinda down."

She sighed. "It's Arnold and Tim. What else would be bothering me?"

He nodded, understanding. "Ah, well, hey, I need to go make up a geometry test, but if you need anyone to talk to, you know for a male point of view that isn't my brother's or Ralphie's," he added with a grin. "I'm here."

She smiled. "Thanks, Michael."

He laughed. "I'll let that 'Michael' slide." He wheeled away. "See ya!"

She gave a small wave and sighed. Then it hit her. She knew she was attracted to him, but now she knew the _real_ reason she didn't want to choose Tim or Arnold.

She was in love with Michael Ignacio Ramone.

* * *

The Spring Into April Spring Formal was in mid-April, only two weeks away. It wasn't as big a deal as Homecoming or Prom (for the seniors), but it was always fun to have a spring formal in mid-second semester. But that was the last thing on Keesha, Wanda, Phoebe, D.A., Arnold, and Tim's minds. Carlos planned on going stag, and Ralphie had Janet (which Arnold still had reservations about Ralphie dating her. It was weird to see his cousin making out with one of his best friends in the hall, but because of his own drama, he didn't think about it as much).

D.A. got more anonymous notes, but the more she got them, the more she ignored them. She didn't care any more. She would just get a date to the formal herself instead of waiting for her "admirer".

Phoebe drove home alone, not wanting to hear about the Keesha/Wanda union to break up Ralphie and Janet. She shut herself in her room, her IM alert ringing because "WHSswimAP" kept sending her messages. She finally shut down her computer.

Wanda laid on her stomach on her bed, ice pack on her lower back near her tailbone. Damn that Ralph Carmine Tennelli for being the only guy she didn't want to just have physical fun with for about a week before getting bored with him and dumping him. And what was it about Ralphie? Sure he was cute, dressed nice for a guy, played and loved sports (even though she didn't play sports anymore because she didn't want to ruin her face, as she felt that was her life meal ticket, she still loved to watch and talk about sports), was funny, and drove that nice truck that he once took her and Carlos mudding with him in. Well, she had known him since daycare (along with Keesha, D.A., Arnold, Carlos, and Tim), and they knew everything about one another. She sighed and buried her face in her pillow.

Keesha looked through a photo album of her and the girls in junior high (poor Phoebe with her awkward growth spurt and braces), and she sadly sighed at a picture of her and Wanda. She didn't want to lose Wanda as a friend. Sure, she was mean spirited, self absorbed, slightly stupid, and superficial, but she was her best friend.

At about the same time, all Fantasmic members heaved collective and heavy sighs.


	6. the shite hits the fan yes, 'shite'

**note:** another IM translation:

Janet: "SilveradosSweetie1122" - she's a member of the WHS Silverados Drill Team, "sweetie" is ironic, and her birthday is November 22nd.

Ralphie: "BaseballIsLife52587" - "Baseball Is Life" and his birthday (in the fic) is May, 25, 1987.

* * *

_**popular mechanics**_** for lovers**  
by, the ultimateSora

**chapter six  
in which the shite hits the fan...yes, 'shite'**

Arnold parked the Toyota SUV in front of Tim's house, and he sat in the driver's seat for a few hesitant seconds before getting out. He walked up the sidewalk to the front door, and he rang the bell. He waited for about a minute before he saw Tim's outline on the other side of the glass on the door. He opened it, a sour look on his face.

"What the hell you want?" he demanded.

Arnold held up his hands. "A truce."

Tim cocked his eye brows. "A truce?"

Arnold nodded. "Yeah, a truce. Look, we've both hurt or humiliated Phoebe in some way, and I think we should both go apologize to her. Maybe then the three of us could be friends...like we used to be."

Tim sighed and leaned against the door frame. "I have missed you, man." He chuckled. "Remember in the sixth grade when you broke your arm and collarbone falling out of Carlos' treehouse?"

Arnold laughed. "Yeah, I remember. You were my _Spider-Man_ supplier when I was in the hospital."

Tim held out his hand, and Arnold grabbed it in a tight hold, the two boys pulling each other into a guy-hug. They patted each other's backs hard, and they quickly let go of one another.

"I'll just go put on some shoes, and we can go over to Phoebe's," Tim said. "But I was thinking..."

"What?"

Tim nodded towards the inside of the house, and Arnold walked in, following him to the kitchen. Tim opened the fridge where there were many bottles of Guinness Draught. Tim pulled out two and opened them. He handed one to Arnold.

"Join me in drinking liquid gold? Parents aren't home."

Arnold smiled and tipped his bottle. "Here's to alcohol..." Tim joined him, "...the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems."

* * *

Wanda was sprawled out on her bed, reading old notes and random writings between her and the girls over the school years in her old notebooks. Her favorite was one from Keesha, shortly after their recycling field trip: 

_Poor Wanda's traumatized by this whole experience. I think she needs help filling in the blanks- Recycling ceased to exist in the town of __BLANK-ERVILLE__ because of a __BLANKING__ idiot named __BLANK-A_

Wanda's reply- _I HAD GOOD REASON, KEESHA!_

Keesha's response- _Oh, cry for me! I lost my plastic toy! 3_

She laughed to herself, remembering good times. She scooted to the edge of her bed and pulled out a photo album labeled "Awesome Times at Walkerville Elementary". She flipped through it, and she saw her most favorite picture ever. It was from the fifth grade talent show, and she, Phoebe, D.A., Keesha, and Janet were dressed as the Spice Girls. She, herself, was Posh, Janet was Ginger, Keesha was Scary, D.A. was Baby, and Phoebe was Sporty (they had gone by hair color instead of personalities). Janet had worn a dress she found that had the Union Jack on it, and Phoebe was incredibly uncomfortable in just athletic pants and a sports bra they found that was small enough for her. Wanda wore a plain black halter dress, and D.A. wore a similar dress in all white. Keesha had gone all out and teased out her hair. Wanda smiled at the picture, thinking they looked like ten-eleven year old skanks. The Spice Girls could pull of the looks, but not five pre-pubescent girls. How they had gotten away with doing that for the show was beyond her, but it was fun. They had studied Spice Girls music videos and gotten the dances and lip-synching down perfectly. She pulled the picture out and saw it labeled:

_Janet "Ginger Spice" Perlstein, Wanda "Posh Spice" Li, Dorothy Ann "Baby Spice" Ewing, Keesha "Scary Spice" Franklin, and the rest. ;)_

_Fifth Grade Talent Show. April 1998._

That's when she decided that if she and Keesha were successful in breaking up Janet and Ralphie, then she would let Keesha have him. She would do the honorable thing for once and let him go. She did it with Arnold, and now she'd do the same with Ralphie. She sighed. She had never lacked in the guy department, but when it came to love, steady relationships, and that sort of crap, she didn't have such luck. Keesha and Dorothy Ann each had their share of boyfriends in the past (Phoebe, no luck at all until Tim and Arnold showed sudden interest in her, and even then, she wouldn't pick one of them), and Wanda wished she had a steady boyfriend.

Oh, Ralphie.

Why did she fall for Ralphie? She still didn't understand that, but the more she thought about him, the more she felt a pressure on her chest. She wondered if she had asthma, but she assumed now, it must have been love...or something equally as cheesy.

* * *

_SilveradosSweetie1122 has signed on_

**SilveradosSweetie1122:** ralphie carmine tennelli, why the hell were you ignoring me at school today?!?

**BaseballIsLife52587:** yeah, janet, we need to talk

**SilveradosSweetie1122:** well, we're talking now!!

**BaseballIsLife52587:** what i have to say prolly shouldnt be said over IM

**SilveradosSweetie1122:** ralphie, this is 2004. everything is said over IM!! now TALK!!

**BaseballIsLife52587:** i'm breaking up with you

**SilveradosSweetie1122:** ...

**SilveradosSweetie1122:** YOU CANT DO THAT OVER THE INTERNET, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

**BaseballIsLife52587:** you told me to!

**SilveradosSweetie1122:** well, FUCK YOU, RALPHIE. I CAN GET ANY GUY I WANT!

**BaseballIsLife52587:** good luck with that. i'll see you later

_BaseballIsLife52587 has signed off_

* * *

Tim and Arnold drove over to Phoebe's house, and Mrs. Terese answered the door when they rang the bell. She smiled when she saw them, and she opened the glass storm door. "Oh, hi, boys. Phoebe isn't here." 

Tim and Arnold looked at one another, dejected, and Tim turned back to Mrs. Terese. "Do you know when she'll be back, ma'am?"

Mrs. Terese thought about it. "I don't know. She went over to Carlos' house to help his brother with his homework. She said it depended on how long it took."

Arnold nodded. "Thank you, Mrs. Terese." The boys waved and went back to the car. They got in and Arnold started the engine. "Now what do we do?"

"Well," Tim said, but he hesitated.

"Well, what?"

"We..._could_ go over to Carlos'."

Arnold bit his lip, and he nodded. "We _could_..." He shook his head. "No, we can't. Carlos will cut our balls off."

"But this time we're not fighting," Tim pointed out. "We're like the U.S. and Soviet Russia during World War II. I'm FDR and you're Stalin. We're trucing for the good of us all."

Arnold furrowed his brow. "Why am I Stalin? You should be Stalin."

"Because you're white you should be FDR?" Tim laughed. "Dude, you're Stalin."

Arnold sighed. "I don't wanna be Stalin," he quietly whined, driving them to Carlos'.

* * *

Ralphie was over at Carlos' watching the classic sports channel (since the Ramones had satellite) to keep his mind off the fact he had just broken up with the most evil female mind in the entire state...nay, the universe. He was mostly hiding out at the Ramone house (and hoping to God that Janet didn't know where Carlos lived), and in the kitchen, they could hear Phoebe and Mikey laughing and talking. The doorbell rang, and Carlos got up to answer it. He was surprised to see Keesha and Wanda. 

"You two here for Ralphie, I assume?" he asked with a smirk.

"No, we're here for you, baby cakes," Wanda said, Carlos not able to tell if she were serious or not.

"Where is he?" Keesha asked, ignoring Wanda.

"Living room. Come on in." He was about to shut the door when he saw Tim and Arnold walking up. "What do you two douchebags want?" he asked, groaning.

Arnold held up his hands. "We come in peace."

"Stalin and I just wanna talk to Phoebe," Tim said. Arnold frogged him.

Carlos rolled his eyes, and he let them in. "She's in the breakfast nook with Mikey." The two walked in, and just as he shut the door, the doorbell rang. He turned back around and answered it to see Dorothy Ann. He grinned. "Well, it was only a matter of time. Everyone else is here."

She was surprised. "Really? Well, I wanted to talk to you."

"Sure. C'mon in."

She came in, and she followed him to the kitchen where he got himself a drink. "Carlos, will you be my date to the spring formal?" she asked, leaning on the counter. "I need one, and I don't want to wait around for my 'admirer'."

Mikey, who was in ear shot, sat straight up and diverted his attention away from Phoebe. "Whoa, D.A., what was that?"

Carlos took a drink of his soda. "She just asked me to the dance."

Mikey wheeled over to them. "You...you can't do that," he said, stammering.

Carlos furrowed his brow, confused. "What's the matter, bro?"

"What's the matter is that I've been sending D.A. those notes!" he nearly shouted. Everyone in the living room quickly came in the kitchen, knowing something was about to go down.

Phoebe slowly got to her feet, and at the same time, she and D.A. asked, "_What?_"

"I sent you those notes!" Mikey said. "And you're asking my brother to the dance?"

D.A. sighed. "Mikey, if I had known it was you, I would have accepted your offer, but I wouldn't date you."

"Way to be brutally honest," Wanda said with a grin. Keesha smacked her on the back of the head.

"So, wait a minute," Arnold said, making his way to the center of the group. "Let me sort this out. Mikey likes D.A., but she likes Carlos?"

"I don't _like_ Carlos," D.A. snapped, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes.

"I don't even know what the hell is going on," Carlos said, holding up his hands. "I just know a smokin' blonde asked me to the dance, but my brother happens to like her."

"It's like we're in one of those tragedy play thingys," Wanda whispered to Keesha. "Or..." she added shrugging. "A teen soap."

Phoebe slowly went over to Mikey. "So...you like D.A.? This whole time you liked _her_?"

He nodded, oblivious. "I've always liked D.A."

Phoebe's facial expression was either of great pain or joy, no one was sure, until she started laughing and crying at the same time. "And this whole time, I had two..." She turned to Arnold and Tim. "...two great guys...like me, and I was chasing someone who didn't care about me like I did him." She smacked her forehead. "God, I'm so _stupid!_"

They watched her turn on her heel and run upstairs, and they heard a door slam. Mikey called after her, and Carlos went towards the stairs. "I hope she hasn't barricaded herself in my room!"

Arnold and Tim followed him, and D.A. went over to Mikey. "I'm sorry, Mikey," she said. "I didn't know."

He shrugged. "It's no big deal. Have a crush on a girl two years older than you...shouldn't expect her to like you back. Especially if you're just Carlos Ramone's little brother."

"Why do I feel we shouldn't be listening to this?" Keesha asked Wanda and Ralphie.

"Good point," Ralphie said. "Let's go outside."

"No. Bad point," Wanda corrected. "I wanna watch this."

Keesha rolled her eyes and dragged Wanda behind her as the three of them went out to the back porch, leaving D.A. and Mikey. "So," D.A. said. "How long have your feelings for me been going on?"

He shrugged. "Since I was in third grade, and you guys were in fifth." He grinned and added, "I was an early bloomer; I noticed girls then."

She nodded and grinned. "Well, you were always the more mature brother." She patted his arm. "I don't want this to ruin our friendship. We have known each for a long time, after all."

He smiled. "I hope it won't either." He turned in the direction of the stairs. "I hope she's okay up there."

"Carlos, Tim, and Arnold are up there with her," D.A. sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "I suppose she doesn't want more people up there badgering her."

Upstairs, Phoebe was on Carlos' bed, crying into his pillow, as he and Tim and Arnold kept softly knocking on the door, trying to get her to come out. She didn't want to see or talk to anyone. She just made a complete jackass out of herself, and the last thing she needed was everyone telling her it was okay. She had locked the bedroom door and left the lights off. Outside Carlos' room, the boys gave up trying to get her to come out. Carlos sighed and leaned on the banister, and Tim crossed his arms, leaning back on the wall. Arnold was sitting on the floor, his forehead pressed against the door, and he got to his feet.

"There's only one thing to do." He back up down the hall and he ran full speed towards the door.

"Arnold, _don't!_" Carlos shouted. But Arnold had already slammed into the door. It didn't budge. Instead, Arnold went flying back, holding his arm. Carlos stood over him and sighed. "I swear, chlorine must be making you dumb."

The door opened, and a puffy-eyed Phoebe stepped out. "What was that?"

Carlos pointed to the floor where Arnold was groaning, holding his left wrist. "Dingus here tried breaking the door down."

Phoebe went over to him and knelt down. She took the wrist he was holding and gently held it. "You didn't have to hurt yourself, you know." She looked at it and noticed a red mark forming. "I think you might have cracked it."

He grinned through the pain. "Great. That's my writing hand."

She smiled. "Mine too."

He laughed, despite the tears forming at his eyes (his pain threshold was very low, but he didn't want her knowing his was screaming in his head from the pain). "I remember. We were the lefties of the class."

"The red headed, left handed kids," she giggled. "Who were the shortest jumpers but somehow managed to outrun a T. Rex."

"Adrenaline," he laughed, sitting up. He gently pulled his arm from her hold. "I'm alright." He tried moving his wrist. "_Shit_, I'm not alright. Anyone want to drive me to the emergency room?"

Phoebe looked at Tim, who nodded to her. She nodded back and escorted Arnold downstairs. Tim laughed and went over to Carlos. "How is it he always breaks bones at your house, man?"

Carlos shrugged. "Beats me, but as long as he doesn't sue me, I don't really care."

* * *

"Well..." Wanda said, trying to break the tension. "How 'bout them Yankees?" 

"They suck," Ralphie grunted.

"Right, right. You like the National League," she said, nodding. "Except for the Cards."

Keesha held up her hands. "I have no idea what you just said."

Ralphie got up from the porch furniture he was sitting on and cleared his throat. "So, I broke up with Janet today."

That got Keesha and Wanda's attention. "You did?" they asked at the exact same time.

"And...I know that you two both like me," he said slowly. "Which is going to make this hard...for one of you."

Keesha and Wanda both got up and said, again at the same time, "Don't pick me. Ask her." They looked at one another, surprised.

"Are you stepping down?" Keesha asked her.

"Are _you_?"

"Ladies," he said, interrupting them. "I know you two are close, and I don't want to be the guy to ruin your friendship. We don't need another Tim and Arnold-like feud."

"Never our intention," Keesha said.

Wanda nodded in agreement. "What she said." She held up her hands. "But...I'm going to do the...uh...what's the word?..._right_...yeah. I'm, going to right thing and step down." She turned to Keesha and held her arm out towards Ralphie. "He's yours."

"Maybe we should hear who he wants," Keesha pointed out.

"Wanda," he said.

She turned to him. "Yep?"

He shook his head. "No, I mean, I chose Wanda." He turned to Keesha. "Keesh, you are hot. Don't get me wrong. You are quite a hot girl, but you think it could ever work between us?"

Keesha grinned. "Yeah, probably not. You're kind of a jughead."

He laughed. "And you're a nagging realist."

She patted his arm. "We're still going to be friends, 'kay? No awkwardness, hear?"

He laughed and nodded, hugging her. "Thank God you're mature."

She let go of him. "You two have fun. I'm going to go."

Wanda waved bye to her, and when she left, Ralphie lifted up the five-foot-two Wanda, kissing her hard.


	7. everything is disgustingly perfect

**note:** So here 'tis...the final chapter. Enjoy:D

* * *

_**popular mechanics**_** for lovers**  
by, the ultimateSora

**chapter seven  
in which everything is disgustingly perfect**

Phoebe drove Arnold to the children's' hospital (since that was where his doctor would have sent him, anyway), and they sat in the emergency room for what felt like hours. Phoebe held his wrist in her hands, just staring at the swelling and red mark on it.

"I can't believe you tried to break the door down," she giggled.

He shrugged. "I wanted to be heroic. I thought 'What would Chuck Norris do? He would break down a door'."

She thought he was being serious until she saw him grinning. They both laughed at the idea of Arnold trying to be like Chuck Norris. Phoebe felt her stomach growl despite the laughter. "I'm hungry. I think I saw Mallowblasters on the snack trolley that went by."

He pulled out two dollars from his pocket. "Here, I'll pay for them, since you drove me here. Plus, I want one, too."

She smiled and got up to get them their snacks. She found the nurse who was pushing the trolley, and since Mallowblasters were fifty cents, she went ahead and got four. She went back to Arnold and took her seat on the bench they were on beside him. She handed him two Mallowblasters, and he handed her one back.

"I can't open it," he jokingly whined, pouting.

She smiled and opened it for him. "I remember when I was turned into a bean plant, and afterwards, you gave me a Mallowblaster since I was hungry."

He laughed, swallowing his bite of Mallowblaster. "I remember. It had been in my pocket all day. I was surprised you ate it."

"Well, despite it being warm and squashed, I _was_ starving," she giggled.

A couple of screaming three year olds ran past them, and Arnold laughed. "I don't think those kids are sick or injured."

She sighed, watching the little kids around them (Arnold was easily the oldest patient there). "When I get older and get married, I want a house full of children."

He smiled. "I could see you raising a lot of kids. You're the mothering type. Like, right now, for instance."

She nodded as she gently stroked his injured wrist, which was resting on her lap. He had strong, yet soft, hands, and she remembered how they had read her body like Braille. She shook that from her mind and said, "Which is why I think I want to be a teacher."

"I would have figured you'd want to be an entomologist, since you love bugs."

She shook her head. "I want to teach children. Bugs can be a side hobby." She turned to him. "What about you? What do you want to do?"

"Geology, what else?" He grinned. "What specifically, I don't know yet. Maybe study the ocean floors."

She giggled. "I seem to remember you once saying 'I want to keep as much water between me and the bottom of the ocean as possible'."

He laughed. "I was nine. I was a bit of a wimp back then. I was soft." She cocked an eyebrow. "Okay, I still am...a little bit." They both laughed. "But I have to admit...I think I would enjoy Ms. Frizzle's field trips now at 17."

"I wonder what Ms. Frizzle's classes were like." Then she added, "After us, I mean."

He shrugged. "There was probably the tomboy, the athlete, the jokester, the artist, the realist, the wimp, the new kid, and the bookworm."

She giggled. "That sounds awfully familiar. It's like _The Breakfast Club_...for elementary school."

He smiled, but it faded. "And," he added, his tone suddenly serious. "When they got to high school, the artist and wimp will fight over the new kid, who will be smart enough not to choose either."

She turned to face him, and she realized how close they were sitting. "Don't say that," she sighed. "I probably would have chosen one of you if I didn't...you know...like Michael."

He didn't want to ask, but he _had_ to know. "If...if it wasn't for Mikey...who would you have chosen?"

She didn't know, honestly, but if she were to rely on her old feelings and her heart, she knew then. She turned back towards him, and she leaned closer, closing the gap between them. Her lips pressed gently against his, barely even registering as a kiss, but Arnold returned the pressure. She slowly pulled back, and Arnold saw her cheeks turn pink.

"I probably would have chosen you," she said softly.

"Me? Why me?"

"Well, considering you were my first crush, and I liked you for a long time, you're a better kisser." She grinned, and he wasn't sure if she was serious or not.

"Phoebe..." he sighed. "Phoebe...I'm sorry for everything. And I...I want you to be happy."

She gently stroked his wrist. "I think I am, Arnold. Despite the fact you bragged about our...love making...I think...I..." She looked up at him. "I want to be with you."

He grinned. "I...I only bragged about it...'cause it was amazing." She smiled, and he noticed her cheeks turn pink. "Phoebe, would you like to go out with me again? This Friday night?"

She nodded. "I'd love to."

* * *

Wanda tried to catch her breath, but it was hard as her heart was pounding. She wiped her sweaty face and turned on her side to look at Ralphie, who was just as spent. "That..." she panted. "...that was...the best...sex I have..._ever_...had."

He nodded and pushed the sweaty strands of hair off his forehead. "That was."

She laughed. "We've only been together for three hours, but my God, that was worth it."

He nodded. "So...so you know that thing you did with your legs? I had no idea that people could flex like that."

She smirked. "Dance and yoga can do that for you."

He nodded. "Makes me kinda glad you dropped sports for dance."

"So you liked it when I pinned you down with my legs?"

He grinned. "Liked it? I had a blast!"

She snorted. "Literally."

They both laughed, and he turned on his side and wrapped his arms around her waist. He hungrily took her lips with his, and he felt himself explode inside. He didn't know what it was about Wanda, but he knew that he always had a thing for her, only he wasn't aware of it. And, damn, was she good at all things sexual. She pressed her body up against his and ran her fingers through his shaggy hair. He smelled just so _boy_, and even though he didn't really have a thick beard, he had just the right amount of chest hair and the perfect happy trail. Her hands moved down to his chest, his heart thumping against her fingers, and she nicked his bottom lip with her teeth as they slowly pulled apart.

"You're so cool," he said, grinning. "And a sex goddess, too."

She shrugged. "Years of practice. But...I do have to say...you're the first guy that I've had valid, non-wanting-to-just-fool-around-with feelings for."

He smiled. "I'll take that as a compliment."

* * *

The spring formal came, and the theme was A Tropical Paradise. The cafeteria was where the dance was being held, and a giant paper-maché volcano was constructed in the back of the room. A fog machine and red lights were put in it to make it appear it would explode. The girls were given leis to wear, and the guys wore conch and puka shell necklaces. Despite it being a formal, everyone was to wear "beach" attire. Some of the guys took it too far and came in Speedos (half the swim team, sans Arnold, did), but they were turned away at the door.

Carlos accepted D.A.'s offer, and he escorted her to the dance. Tim asked a sophomore in one of his art classes, and Keesha went with one of Arnold's friends on the swim team (he had been one of the guys that came in a Speedo, Keesha finding that amusing). The group had all gone together, having dinner first and then hanging out at the dance.

Arnold didn't really feel like dancing because of the cast he had on his arm (he had a hairline fracture across his wrist), but Phoebe didn't care because she wasn't one for dancing. He made sure she was the first sign his cast, and he blocked off her name so everyone who signed it wouldn't over take her name.

They were talking together as they sat at one of the tables when Keesha came running up to them. She tapped Arnold's arm. "Arn, just wanted to thank you for setting me up with Tyler."

Arnold smiled. "Glad I could help. Tyler's a great guy."

Keesha grinned. "And a great kisser. We're going out next weekend!" She patted his arm and got up to meet back with Tyler.

Phoebe rested her chin on his shoulder. "They look happy."

He kissed her forehead. "So do you."

She squeezed his thigh just above his knee. "Because I am."

Ralphie and Wanda both came over to the table, and Ralphie sat down beside Arnold. Wanda straddled his lap, and the two began making out. Arnold and Phoebe scooted away, and Arnold cleared his throat.

"Sorry," Ralphie said.

"When you're as hot as us, it's hard not to be horny all the time," Wanda explained.

"Has my cousin given you two death threats yet?" Arnold asked.

Wanda shook her head. "She tried jumping me after dance, but thanks to years of wrestling down William, I had her pinned in seconds. She left me alone after that."

Carlos and D.A. came over and sat down with the other four, and soon enough, Tim, Keesha, and their dates came too. Carlos sighed and looked around, grinning. "Well, isn't everything just disgustingly perfect?"

They all looked at one another, wondering how long it would before more drama ensued.

* * *

**note:** that's it. the end. no mas. :) 


End file.
